The Oil Spill

Depending when you read this, there is some degree oil situation going on in the Gulf of Mexico. Maybe it has stopped entirely. Maybe it is gushing twice as hard as ever has and they are taking advantage of the fact that most of us are in no situation to check it out. The important thing is that a situation like this raises a lot of questions. Most of the really important ones will be answered by experts. For the ones that don't matter to anyone else? BrainLazy is here to help.

Depending when you read this, there is some degree oil situation going on in the Gulf of Mexico. Maybe it is still dribbling around a containment cap. Maybe it has stopped entirely. Maybe it is gushing twice as hard as ever has and they are taking advantage of the fact that most of us are in no situation to check it out. The important thing is that a situation like this raises a lot of questions. In time, most of the really important ones will be answered by the press and by experts. For the ones that don’t matter to anyone else? BrainLazy is here to help.

First of all, this is considered a massive ecological disaster. I realize that fish and water foul and are dying, and that’s awful… But the whole thing is a little confusing to me. Petroleum is natural, isn’t it? It is the remains of a swamp, or maybe a dinosaur wading pool, that has been buried under the earth for a while. And the ocean is natural. It is nothing but water, salt, plankton, and fish urine. And the hundreds of feet of sea floor formerly separating the ocean from the petroleum is natural. Just dead fish, fish poop, and mafia witnesses. So how is it that nature, breaking through nature, and mixing with nature, an ecological disaster? This seems like more of an ecological inevitability. Granted, we helped it along with a drill, but all we did was introduce one part of the world to another. We aren’t evil polluters, we’re ambassadors. If ocean can’t get along with crude, that’s ocean’s problem.

Next, people are calling it an oil spill. Naturally when you see a slick spreading across the ocean, you think oil spill. This totally isn’t a spill, though. This oil isn’t coming out of a tanker. It is coming out of the ground. This is an oil leak. (Technically a sea floor oil gusher.) The oil is escaping from its submarine prison. And I think we can all agree that an oil leak is way worse than an oil spill. For one thing, a spill pretty much happens all at once. A leak just keeps going. Second, we know exactly how much oil was in that tanker. We can draft a fairly accurate worst case scenario. The best we have for a leak is an estimate, and that’s only going to be close if we knew what we were doing when we made the estimate. Then again, if we knew what we were doing, there wouldn’t be a gaping hole in the sea floor erupting unrefined fuel. For all we know the whole planet is full of crude oil, and we just untied its belly button.

Finally, I’m not sure where we are supposed to place the blame for this one, but we don’t seem to be hitting the target. People keep on calling it the worst ecological disaster in US history. Well, it is in the Gulf of Mexico, right? So surely it is the worst ecological in Mexican history. And it is BP, which is British Petroleum. So maybe it should be the worst ecological disaster in British History. Also, it was flying a Mashalese flag of convenience, so really it should be the worst ecological disaster in the history of the Marshall Islands… though they ARE technically in an entirely different ocean. Hell, has there been a worse one anywhere else? Let’s just call it the worst ecological disaster in world history. For that matter, if you were to measure the success of an oil spill (or leak, let’s get it right) by the quantity of oil it releases, then technically it is the BEST oil spill (leak) in US history. (Yeah, I’m willing to claim it if it is the best. )

Well, that should just about cover my concerns about the great leak of twenty ten. I realize that this is a big deal, and that making light of it is wrong. The fact is that I, personally, can’t do anything about it. There are people across the globe, minds far greater than mine, working day and night to solve the problem and mop up its aftermath. So I choose to do to this what I do to every other unfortunate truth that I can’t fix. I mock it relentlessly to make myself feel better. Does it work? No, but it is distracting, and that’s almost as good.

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About Decoychunk

Editor, Writer, and general Knower-Of-Words, if there is text to be read on BrainLazy, Joseph Lallo probably has his fingerprints on it. As the final third of the ownership and foundation of BrainLazy, Joseph “Jo” Lallo made a name for himself when he lost the “e” from his nickname in an arm wrestling match with a witch doctor. Residing in the arid lowlands of the American Southwest, Joseph Lallo is a small, herbivorous, rabbit-like creature with the horns of an antelope. He sleeps belly up, and his milk can be used for medicinal purposes. Joseph Lallo is also author of several books, including The Book of Deacon Series, book 1 of which is available for free here.