Yes, I know. It has been a while. Again. “But you were doing so well, Thunderchunk!” you say, “For a while there you had something new up every week!” Yeah, well, what can I say? I’m lazy. The title of the web page should have been a clue. But just because I don’t write things down doesn’t mean I don’t think about them. Here are a few things that rattled around in my noggin recently. Discuss.
Do animals talk? I submit that they do not. Not the way we do, at least. Not intelligent discourse about the pros and cons of facial tattoos or whether or not wood should be magnetic. The way I figure it, they can address three concepts: Can I kill/eat that, can that kill/eat me, and can I have sex with that? That’s it. You see a squirrel? Here’s what it says. ?I can’t eat that. Can that eat me? I think it can! GUY’S! THERE’S A THING THAT CAN EAT US HERE!? That’s about it. Domestic animals might have a few more topics, like “Where’s the guy who feeds me?” and “Go for a ride?!” Now, are they telepathic? Probably. Dogs are definitely trying to beam something into your head when they stare at you. I’d wager that some of the smaller dogs are low level mind controllers. How else could you explain the fact that we willingly pick up their poop. And ALL cats are mind controllers.
This next one is about little people. Not people who are short, though this potentially applies to them as well. I mean official ?Little People.? Like, people who until recently I would have referred to as a word that rhymes with fidget or one that rhymes with wharf, but I now learn should not be called such because it is a racial slur… Which doesn’t make sense to me because I’m not sure that little people count as a race. It is just a recessive gene, right? I mean, that would make people with club foot or a lazy eye or albinism a race. I’m a lefty. Is that a race? Is “lefty” a racial slur? But, anyway, back to little people. Are they super strong? I think they are. See, it is all a matter of torque and leverage. Same muscles. Shorter bones. They should totally have vice grips for hands. Must find one and shake hands. By the same token, Fat People, super strong? As a fat person, I can answer that. Yes. We’re heaving around massive weights non-stop, so watch yourself. If we ever drop a ton of weight at once, we’d be able to leap tall buildings at a single bound, and other Kryptonian feats for a while.
What is the maximum number of body parts you could lose and not be really disabled? Speaking as a man, I’d say you could lose one ear, one eye, pretty much all of your teeth, the pinky and index finger off of both of your hands, a testicle, and most if not all of your toes. It has been pointed out that losing the pinkies would make you highly dependent on Q-tips, but that’s not so bad.
If you had four legs, would you buy two identical pairs of shoes every time you needed a pair, or would you mix and match? Keep in mind, you might wear your shoes down differently, and have to rotate to keep them even. Make sure you factor that into your decision. Might I suggest if you were a woman, wear high heels on the back legs. You’d be like one of those crazy hot rods with big back wheels. Just in case that’s a look you’re going for.
Here’s one for gay folks and bisexuals. If you are smoking hot, and you are attracted to your own gender, can you use a mirror as porn? It is my guess that your brain would turn your specific configuration of features off as a sex object, much in the same way you wouldn’t lust after a hot sister or brother… unless you would. If so, this question really isn’t for you. I’ve got other questions for you… but I think we’ve done enough for today.
If you want, you can join the forum and contribute your own. You could also contact me about giving crap loads of cash. Not of crap, though. I’ve got plenty of crap.