Questions I Can’t Ask

A few months have passed, and I've once again formulated a short list of questions that are more or less impossible to ask in civilized society. So I call upon you, the anonymous masses of the Internet, to weigh in. We'll consider these questions asked and answered anonymously.

A few months have passed, and I’ve once again formulated a short list of questions that are more or less impossible to ask in civilized society. So I call upon you, the anonymous masses of the Internet, to weigh in. We’ll consider these questions asked and answered anonymously.

In a same sex marriage, how does the couple getting married dress?

I would presume that two gay men would both wear tuxedos, though I’ll bet they would be the absolute best pair of tuxes on the market. The real pairing I’m interested in is two women. (I’m generally very interested in that pairing…) Do they both wear wedding gowns? If so, do they match? Can you imagine THAT trip to the bridal store? I know that there is at least one whole show dedicated to picking out wedding dresses. One would assume, then, that there is enough drama to fill out at least a few hours of television. If it is that hard to make the decision for one dress, getting two people to agree on the same one must be damn near impossible. And if they don’t wear the same dress, then that’s even worse! That could lead to a wedding arms race as one woman desperately tries to out do the other. Maybe this is why there is so much legislation trying to block same sex marriage. Imagine the potential bloodshed they’ve saved. In the case of this question, I ask it to the Internet not because I think that I’ll get slapped in the face if I ask in person, but because I just don’t have a lot of friends who are in same sex relationships.

Are there different levels of racial slur?

Okay, so, there are a few different levels of slur for us white folk, assembled into a loose hierarchy. There is some dispute over exactly what the appropriate order is, but the one that my brother and I have worked out is as follows. At the bottom is white trash, poor and ignorant. The next level up is the redneck. These folks are viewed as roughly the same as the next rung down, but at least they are industrious. Then comes the hill billy. Lack of civilization is the only qualification here. Each level is apt to take pride in their position, and to take pride in the fact that they aren’t the next one down. Are there levels of slurs for other races? I mean, we all know one or two, but how do they stack up? I’d ask my friends of various races, but I’m pretty sure that if I did, I wouldn’t have friends of various races anymore.

Why can’t we settle on a name for people who hate people?

This is vaguely related to the last question. There are plenty of chunks of language that are fairly consistent. This is particularly true of words in the psychological and medical professions. For some reason, though, the haters of the world can’t agree on a suffix or prefix. People who hate homosexuals are called homophobic. This one is the most confusing, because I’m pretty sure that -phobic means “is afraid of the first half of this word.” If homophobes are afraid of gay people, they sure have a skewed fight or flight reflex. Moving on, people who hate a whole race of people are racists. That sort of sounds like they aren’t so much against one race as for another. Then comes the people who hate the Jewish. They are antisemitic. That one makes the most sense. Can’t we just stick with the anti- for everything? It would be so much easier to keep track of. No more of this -ist and -phobe nonsense.

That’s it for now. Feel free to enlighten me with your opinions on these very important issues. Failing that, feel free to flame me like crazy for daring to broach these topics. I look forward to either one.


About Decoychunk

Editor, Writer, and general Knower-Of-Words, if there is text to be read on BrainLazy, Joseph Lallo probably has his fingerprints on it. As the final third of the ownership and foundation of BrainLazy, Joseph “Jo” Lallo made a name for himself when he lost the “e” from his nickname in an arm wrestling match with a witch doctor. Residing in the arid lowlands of the American Southwest, Joseph Lallo is a small, herbivorous, rabbit-like creature with the horns of an antelope. He sleeps belly up, and his milk can be used for medicinal purposes. Joseph Lallo is also author of several books, including The Book of Deacon Series, book 1 of which is available for free here.