A recent conversation brought to light an interesting facet of stereotypes. We generally view them to be very bad, and they tend to imply the worst about those that they target. However, sometimes a stereotype has one or more positive components. Black people are athletic. Asians and Indians are intelligent. Now, these assumptions are no less ignorant and prone to inaccuracy than any other portion of a stereotype, but I'll bet if that was all the stereotype had to say, no one would mind them. Thus, I think it is long past time that I flood the market with some high quality positive ignorance. Comedy lovers may be aware that Louis CK bemoaned the lack of quality positive stereotypes, so clearly it is an idea whose time has come.
- All Italian women are excellent cooks.
- All Italian men are capable of growing mustaches of spectacular quality.
- The organization and cooperation skills of Italians are the stuff of legend.
- Were you to taste an Italian, you would find that they are positively delicious.
- Latinos are naturally superior at macrame, balancing things on their chins, and shuffling playing cards.
- If you are able to find a bald headed Latina and rub her head three times, she'll grant you a wish.
- Latinos can open combination locks with their mind.
- They are also born with the ability to count to twenty five.
- The Irish can hypnotize geese once a month.
- Left handed Irishmen can breath fire.
- Licorice is to the Irish what Spinach is to Popeye.
- All Irish people are very kind to animals.
- There is no Canadian with a bowling average below 180.
- If more than 25 Canadians are together and feel threatened, they are able to form Voltron.
- Canadians have a sixth sense, but every Canadian has a different one.
- Canadian dental hygiene is beyond reproach.
- All black people know how to juggle.
- If you flip a coin, a black person can tell you with 90% accuracy which way it will land.
- Black people can see infrared light.
- No matter how high in the mountains or in a plain a black person goes, his or her ears will never pop.
- Whites can understand and communicate with reptiles.
- No one can operate a graphing calculator better than a white person.
- White people can swallow and digest brass.
- White people can learn French 15% faster than any other race.
- Chinese people have excellent balance.
- Japanese people are exceptionally skilled at making waffles.
- Koreans are very good at square dancing.
- All orientals are natural poets.
- Russians are ancestors to the Klingons, and share their warrior heritage.
- No Russian will ever lose a staring match, because Russians don't need to blink.
- Russians are very good at catching thrown dogs.
- Most Russians can identify hair color by scent.
There, that should do for now. Remember, spread the word. People need to know these great new stereotypes. And if you feel left out, or if you know any positive stereotypes that I forgot, then let us know them.