Evil Disney

Everyone seems to love Walt Disney and his many creations. I am somewhat less reverent. I personally feel that, if you read between the lines, he teaches some rather disturbing, and quite frankly, morally questionable things. His cartoons tend to be a bit more kid friendly and tame than the Warner Brothers offerings, so overprotective parents are somewhat more likely to sit little Suzie and Billy in front of a Mickey Mouse cartoon than, say, a Wily Coyote short. However, the bland veneer of wholesomeness masks dark, twisted messages that subversively insinuate themselves into the mind of the viewer.

I can understand if you are skeptical. Allow me to explain. Goofy is a dog. This has been a matter of contention among some of my friends, but if you dig a little you’ll find the character was initially named Dippy Dog, so that should be evidence enough. Pluto is also a dog. Yet, Goofy gets to go skiing and drive a car. He gets to wear shoes and a snappy hat. He gets to have his own place and is elevated to the status of the other stars. Indeed, he is one of the big three, along side Donald and Mickey. Pluto is a pet. He lives in a dog house. What does he have, three solo cartoons? Maybe four? Same species, but this guy is a second class citizen. And why? Because he walks on all fours? Because he can’t talk? It certainly isn’t because he’s of a lower order of intelligence, because he is at least as smart as goofy. Posture and diction relegate this otherwise functional character to the level of pet. I think it is clear at this point that we can learn only one lesson from this. Disney advocates enslaving the physically handicapped.

Let us probe deeper. Mickey. Come on now, honestly, does ANYONE think that Mickey Mouse can even compete with Bugs Bunny? Bugs is funnier, hands down. Now, Daffy and Donald are a pretty good match, and I’m not sure Goofy really has a Warner Brothers analogue, but that is beside the point. I feel that Mickey just isn’t that funny. The only reason he gets any reverence is because he showed up so early on. But Betty Boop and Popeye got in the game early, and they kick his butt in terms of comedy. And NOW what is he doing? Disney put Mickey in a glass case years ago. Untouchable. He’s like an actor turned politician. It’s like the thing that made him what he is is below him now. Bugs is still showing up in movies, for crying out loud, and he holds up. Disney is teaching us here that fame is a tool to achieve your true ends. He advocates using deceptive and manipulative exploitation of a group of followers, then pursuing your own interests when a position of power is reached. Someone else did that in Germany in 1933.

Finally, there are the things that just confuse us. Look at the Warner Brothers characters. No clothes. Bugs, Daffy, Sylvester, so on and so forth. None of them wear any clothes at all. Well… Bugs wears gloves, but that’s just good hygiene. Now look at Disney. Mickey wears pants, no shirt. Donald wears a shirt and a hat. No pants. Goofy wears a vest, a hat, pants, and shoes. What is the clothing policy in Disney land? Either you need clothes or you don’t! Sure, Porky wears a shirt sometimes, but he’s a pig! Pigs get sunburn! Mickey is a MOUSE! LOSE THE PANTS! And if you are going to accept that pants are required then put some on Donald. HE WEARS A TOWEL WHEN HE GETS OUT OF THE SHOWER! But you know what it is? Donald can’t speak properly, and you know how Disney feels about THOSE people. He should be glad he isn’t nude and calling Mickey master, quacking for scraps. This is all just Disney trying to shatter our preconceptions, destabilize our very MINDS so that we are forced to look to HIM for guidance.

Disney was an evil man. He had a screwed up vision of the world and he nearly succeeded in creating an army of mindless mouse worshipers to carry out his fiendish whims. Luckily the A-Team traveled back in time and built a freeze ray out of a station wagon to vanquish him. Sure, and you thought they froze him so they could bring him back. Nope. It was the only way to contain the evil. They had to deal with him like they did the T-1000, the blob, and all other indomitable villains.

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About Decoychunk

Editor, Writer, and general Knower-Of-Words, if there is text to be read on BrainLazy, Joseph Lallo probably has his fingerprints on it. As the final third of the ownership and foundation of BrainLazy, Joseph “Jo” Lallo made a name for himself when he lost the “e” from his nickname in an arm wrestling match with a witch doctor. Residing in the arid lowlands of the American Southwest, Joseph Lallo is a small, herbivorous, rabbit-like creature with the horns of an antelope. He sleeps belly up, and his milk can be used for medicinal purposes. Joseph Lallo is also author of several books, including The Book of Deacon Series, book 1 of which is available for free here.