Baseless Assumptions and Unfounded Theories

I live my life laboring under a number of things that I believe fervently but have no evidence for. As usual, rather than be the only one suffering from such delusions, I have decided to pass on the disease to my readers, all one of you. Enjoy.

The human body has one disease slot. If it is occupied you can’t get something else until it clears out. If you have a cold, you can’t get chicken pox. Also, people who just got over being sick of a certain disease cannot get sick again for a certain cool down period that has yet to be determined.

For men, hair grows in at the same time that it grows out, it just grows in slower. Evidence can be found in the fact that old men have dense tufts of hair peeking out of their noses and ears. It has taken this long for the internal hair to reach the point that we can see it. This also explains why people become senile. Hair has grown through their brains and their thoughts get tangled up in there. Now, why is it that not all people get senile or have nose and ear hair problems? Easy. Baldness. Internal baldness. The internal and external hair follicles can burnout separately, so you can be internally bald, externally bald, both, or neither.

You know when you are thinking about something and forget what it is you are going to say while you are saying it? That is because someone went back in time and stopped that thing from happening, so it is just removed from your memories. When you suddenly remember, minutes, hours, or even days later, that is because Doc Brown and Marty McFly traveled back and restored it. If someone else reminds you of what it was, be suspicious of that person. They may have been the ones who meddled with the time line in the first place.

The reason the 1980’s are so big right now is that the world of entertainment is growing so quickly that we just can’t create enough stuff to fill it all up. The leading edge of entertainment continues to move forward at the same rate, but the trailing edge ground to a halt right around 1978. Nothing since then will ever go away, or else there will be a bunch of channels with dead air.

Jo’s Principle of Antithesis: The correct answer is always the opposite of the first incorrect answer. Proper application of this concept will lead you to the correct answer to any question in no more than two guesses. Quite frequently the true difficulty with this principle is the correct determination of the opposite of a nonstandard guess. For example, the opposite of 3 is orange.

Do you ever get so angry, you can’t even form words? You just bang your fists a lot and make vaguely threatening noises? I think that is because the anger is so fundamental it originates in a part of the brain that predates speech. Your brain stem is angry.


About Decoychunk

Editor, Writer, and general Knower-Of-Words, if there is text to be read on BrainLazy, Joseph Lallo probably has his fingerprints on it. As the final third of the ownership and foundation of BrainLazy, Joseph “Jo” Lallo made a name for himself when he lost the “e” from his nickname in an arm wrestling match with a witch doctor. Residing in the arid lowlands of the American Southwest, Joseph Lallo is a small, herbivorous, rabbit-like creature with the horns of an antelope. He sleeps belly up, and his milk can be used for medicinal purposes. Joseph Lallo is also author of several books, including The Book of Deacon Series, book 1 of which is available for free here.