20(top)10!

Around a week ago, we made our way into this grand and glorious year, 2010! Sure, New Year’s is always a great time of year, but this one is super extra special. Why? Loads of reasons! And since I never did one, and evidently they are the only thing that people actually email to each other on the internet, I figure it is about time I did a top ten list. So here it is.

10. No More Aughts
2010 is the first time in a decade that we don’t have to cope with the the fact that the year has a stupid zero before the digit that matters! Finally I can start using the word ?twenty? when I talk about the year. Let’s face it, ?Twenty Oh Nine? sounds sort of silly, and while ?Twenty Aught Nine? sounds awesome in grizzled prospector sort of way, I stopped doing it because of spelling issues. That meant that for the whole decade I’ve had to deal with saying Two Thousand Whatever. It was exhausting! Now we are down to twenty ten. Short, simple. I feel more productive already! And best yet, it is one step closer to…

9. 2022!
I cannot WAIT until twenty twenty two. Why? Because it will be the first year in the new millennium in which we can refer to a prior year by just the last two digits and have it sound natural. Oh, sure, you can say, ?Way back in Oh Nine…? but you wouldn’t ever say ?Oh Nine? in any other situation, you’d just say nine, and that doesn’t sound right at all. Strangely, saying ?Way back in fifteen? doesn’t work either. After analysis, I have found that it doesn’t feel right until you can say, ?Back in twenty one.? I sure hope lots of really great stuff happens in 2021, because I plan on reminiscing like CRAZY the next year.

8. Numeric Palindrome For The Win!
If you live in the United States, just a few days ago we had a thrillingly rare palindromic date!* 01-02-2010! We had one back in 10/02/2001, but the last one before that was 08/31/1380! If you missed this one, don’t worry too much, there’s a few more on the way in your lifetime. Just make sure you write a check on November 2nd next year.
*If you don’t live in the United States… Holy crap! I have a reader outside the United States!

7. Stinko Man is Approaching
As Ben ?Yahtzee? Croshaw so ably pointed out, 2010 is the first year of 20XX! Sure, technically you could have said that about 2000, but seriously, you don’t X something until it changes. (Don’t ask me why. It’s just a rule.) So now that we are Exty Exing it up, it is only a matter of time until Megaman, or at least Stinko Man, shows up and starts blasting remarkably specific male robots, then later confusingly elemental robot animals.**
**Spark Mandril? Honestly?

6. Screw You, Year Glasses Guy!
The guy who makes those new year glasses has had it too easy for too long. So many years with so many round parts right in the middle. Nines have round parts at the top, eights have TWO round parts, and Zeroes are ALL round part! So they just slap a lens in two of the round parts and, POW, glasses. Now there’s a one in there, right where your eye should be. A few got creative and shifted the two over and used both 0’s, but that made for lopsided glasses. No one wants a plastic two hanging off the right side of their head.*** Next year will be even worse. Good luck with that left eye! Find some way to put a lens in an eleven! Not since 1977 have they had such a chronological ophthalmology conundrum!
*** It took me two full minutes to figure out which side of your head the two would be. Stupid dyslexia… ****
**** Asterisks***** are FUN!
***** But they get old pretty quick.******
****** Plus, saying the plural is annoying.

5. Census is here!
Listen, if you are anything like me, you are always trying to get the high score. Not just in Tony Hawk, Tetris, and Bejeweled, in everything. That’s why I love the Census years. Each one is another chance to take the coveted title of ?Most Populous Country.? Now China and India have been duking it out for this one for a while, with the good old USA taking a shameful bronze. Well, I think this might be our year. Sure, we are about a billion people shy, but the year is still young. Now, back in 2000 we had 108,133,727 women over the age of 18, if the last census can be believed. Let’s be charitable and say an even 100,000,000 are still able to have kids. To pick up that billion person deficit, we just need to get each of them to have decuplets. That’s not impossible. I’m sure as heck willing to give it a try! Come on, Octomom! Time to step up your game. We can DO this!

4. MMX
For those of you movie buffs who like copyright notices, this is an awesome year for Roman Numeral abbreviation. Seriously, MMX rocks. If I was a car manufacturer, I wouldn’t make the new 2009 Honda Accord, I’d make the new Accord MMX! That sounds 200% more awesome instantly. The same goes with conventions and yearly celebrations. It isn’t Spring Break 2010, it is Spring Break MMX! Welcome to SIGGRAPH MMX!!! I hope other people catch on, because I am looking forward to it.

3. Winter Olympics MMX!
Now, I realize that the Summer Olympics have all of the sports we think of when we think of Olympic Sports. That is probably because Greece is sticking out into the Mediterranean, a place not known for its alpine vistas. This is a shame, because there are some awesome, and hilarious, games in the Winter Olympics. The Biathlon, for instance. This is a sport where you downhill ski with a rifle on your back, then target shoot. And to balance the awesome of that, there is Curling. This is a game where you slide along ice with a broom and chase a petrified snork head. The only explanations for such a game are extreme boredom, sleep deprivation, and/or drugs. Good stuff, people, good stuff!

2. Burj Khalifa Is Open For Business
The world’s tallest structure opened up on January 4th, the latest wonder of the world from the magical fairyland known as Dubai. They made a bunch of islands in the shape of the world map, they have a rotating apartment building and an iPod building in the works if memory serves, and now they have a building over half a mile tall. Does this guy have a suggestion box? Because I seriously have some great ideas. He seems like the guy who will finally put in one of those tube transit systems like in Futurama. I mean, it is 2010! Also, cross a walrus with a dachshund. I know it isn’t a civic works project like the rest of them, but the world NEEDS a Walshund. With the little bitty legs and the tusks. Please, Sultan Dreammaker, make me a dream!

1. So Long, Shuttle
After an excellent run, the venerable Space Shuttle is hanging up its boosters. Now, sure that’s sad, but I look at it this way. The Shuttle was never supposed to be going anywhere but orbit and, lets face it, it looked like a rounded off brick. What we’ve got on deck waiting to replace it is the Ares 1, the Ares V, and the Orion. These things are nice and old fashioned, retrorockets if you will. They look the way rockets looked during the most memorable period of space travel. Not only are they designed with places like the moon and mars in mind, but gone is the fancy brick. These things look like we are trying to KILL SPACE. And it is about time we sent something dangerous looking into the sky. Finally NASA has remembered that space ships are supposed to be named after mythological figures and should be little more than missiles with the most dangerous warhead of all. Human beings.

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About Decoychunk

Editor, Writer, and general Knower-Of-Words, if there is text to be read on BrainLazy, Joseph Lallo probably has his fingerprints on it. As the final third of the ownership and foundation of BrainLazy, Joseph “Jo” Lallo made a name for himself when he lost the “e” from his nickname in an arm wrestling match with a witch doctor. Residing in the arid lowlands of the American Southwest, Joseph Lallo is a small, herbivorous, rabbit-like creature with the horns of an antelope. He sleeps belly up, and his milk can be used for medicinal purposes. Joseph Lallo is also author of several books, including The Book of Deacon Series, book 1 of which is available for free here.